I Earn More Than Him And He Hates It

Dear Hint Circle,

I love my boyfriend, but we have one big problem. I earn three times his salary. At first it was fine, but now he makes small comments that hurt. He says things like I think I am better than him or I should let him “lead” even when I am paying for everything. I have never stopped him.

Last week I bought a new phone with my bonus and he did not talk to me for two days. He said I should have discussed it with him first.

I do not want to shrink myself to make him feel like a man, but I also do not want to lose him. What do I do?

— Tired of Tiptoeing

Dear Tired of Tiptoeing,

Let me ask you a question. Why are you the one tiptoeing when he is the one with the problem?

You said you earn three times his salary. Now you bought a phone with your bonus from your job, and he punished you with two days of silence because you did not discuss it with him first? Discuss what? Your own money?

My dear, a man who tells you to let him lead while you pay for everything is not a leader. He is a passenger who wants to hold the steering wheel while you push the car. That is not how it works.

And that bit about you thinking you are better than him, I will tell you the truth. You are not better than him because of your salary, but you are better than him because you are trying to build while he is trying to drag you down.

Do not shrink. Never shrink. Tell him clearly that your money is yours and you will not ask permission to spend it. If he cannot handle a woman who wins, he should find a woman who is willing to lose so he can feel tall.

You want to know if you should leave him. I will tell you this. A man who gives you silence for buying yourself something nice is training you to beg for his approval. Do not let him finish that training. Walk away now before you forget how valuable you are.

— Aunty Uche